There is this woman whom I have been having on/off relations with for the last four years or so. Last night, she got home to find that some things had been stolen. She was upset about it and needed someone to talk to. Usually, I'm there for her whenever she needs to talk about the bad things in her life, especially all the problems she's been having with other guys. I would sit there and listen to her go on and on. Only now have I realized that I have to be some sort of brainless pincushion. She apparently needed someone to talk to regarding the robbery and her mood as well as other things, I'm sure, but I was unaware of this. I was in the kitchen grabbing a carrot to munch on.
I came back to my computer to find that she frantically left me some messages. She needed me and I wasn't there. I felt like shit. I felt as though I failed her. Hoping that she didn't force herself to go to sleep in an upset mood, I sent her a text, hoping se would come back online. She does, but only to tell me that she's skyping with some other guy, so it's cool. Now I'm not just some disposable nigger-boy. I see now that she has other disposable guys lined up at all hours. I don't usually get affected by things like this, but we've had a long history, so I am fairly bothered.
I can't believe that I even considered her to be my true love at one point in time. I've loved her for some deep reasons. We don't have much in common besides some silly quirks, and I've always appreciated the love she has for her family and others, as well as her drive to be the best at whatever she can. She also has this sort of Mona Lisa smile that makes my heart melt. I've got to let all of that go and move on now, for it's all just wasted admiration, it seems. I pity the other guys who are in this same situation with her, as there are no doubt, many guys who take interest in her only to have to hear her complain about some other mystery dude who sets her up time and time again. Hopefully they wise up.
EDIT: I spoke to her this morning about it, then left. I told her I have my phone with me so she can reach me if she wants to talk about things. I let her know also that if she didn't care to go into this further, that's okay too (it really is because I just want this nonsense to be over with). She told me she would wait until I get home. Girl, I could be out for the entire damn week. Shows how much she doesn't care. Whatever, it's all the better.
EDIT 2: We spoke. We worked shit out. It came down to her realising how terrible she was. She apologised. We made plans to go out together in the night. She stood me up for one of these mystery men who finally took her out. I only know this because she was that fucking stupid enough to take pics and put it on Instagram. WE HAVE EACH OTHER ON INSTAGRAM! Did she think I wouldn't see them? I left some nasty comments and that was it. I'm always there and always including her, and she bails on me to go with him because he finally came through ONCE? He must have a solid gold dick or some shit if she can't see past the bull. It's for the best, I guess. There are many many more people in my life who deserve my time and energy. She is out of it now.