Went to my first Afrikan Society meeting today. It wasn't a good experience for me. Actually, when you read what I have to write her, you'll probably think I'm just a lazy-ass punk-ass wuss who can't take a little bit of shame. Think what you want of me, but I can't help but feel depressed to the point of crying. I participated in dance practice when I really should've just joined the others for the drumming session instead. It was difficult to keep up with the dance instructor and I couldn't do most of the dance moves because I severely lack coordination. Sometimes, my brain wouldn't let me move my arms and legs at the same time, or in the correct directions. Most of the time, my brain wouldn't let me move at all. Once I realized I was just standing there on a stage with a bunch of other people dancing around me, and the people sitting in the seats were just watching me fail at attempting Wes African dance moves, I slowly retreated behind the curtains, grabbed my shoes and socks during a water break, and I left. I tried my best to hold back tears while walking through campus on my way back to my apartment. It was hard, but I did it. Doesn't help that I didn't sleep well at all last night either. I shall go cry myself to sleep. I really need to resume counselling.
By the way, I know that I would probably be better at it if I practice more. I know that for sure. I just can't help but feel the way I do right now, though; embarrassed, defeated, tired, depressed, and angry at myself.